Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
