Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize