I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize