I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
