That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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