My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am available for nakedness
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
