Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
