I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
