pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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