I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
