How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
