please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
