Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
