people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
