my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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