i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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