If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My vagina is officially offended.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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