the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
