I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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