Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
