When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i believe in u and ur pee
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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