At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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