Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
