WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
