Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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