Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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