so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
