we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
