Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
