Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
