Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
