She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do vagina's smell?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
