He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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