Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
