i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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