ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
