and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
