if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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