Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
