So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
