I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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