Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize