i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize