i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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