I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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