Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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