He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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