Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
