The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize