That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
