Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I smell stomach acid.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
