Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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