dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
