Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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