I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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