I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
