she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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