I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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