____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
