i don't like sucking hair
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
