dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
