Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I deserve this hangover.
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