Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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