ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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