My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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