Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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