Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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