Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
