the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
