Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
