At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
