He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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